For families · Los Angeles
How to help a loved one with addiction, one step at a time.
To help a loved one with addiction, start with one calm, private conversation: say what you have noticed, listen without judging, and offer to help find treatment. Expect more than one talk, and look after yourself too. You can call a program or SAMHSA’s free helpline before they agree. In an emergency, call 911.
For Families
What can a family do to help?
You help most by noticing, speaking up kindly and keeping the door open. SAMHSA’s family guides are clear that these conditions are treatable and that people recover.
You cannot make the choice for an adult. What you can do is learn the options, and keep yourself and your home as safe as possible.
If someone is not breathing, cannot be woken, or may have overdosed, call 911 now. For a mental health or substance use crisis, call or text 988 at any hour, for yourself or for someone you are worried about.
At a glance
- Your call
- Confidential No agreement from your loved one needed
- Admissions
- 24 hours (818) 422-7772
- Crisis
- 988 Call or text, for them or for you
- Emergency
- 911 Overdose, no breathing, danger
- Free helpline
- SAMHSA 1-800-662-4357, family members welcome
Recognizing it
How do you know it is time to help someone with addiction?
It is time when drinking or drug use is causing harm, at home, at work or to health, and your loved one keeps going anyway. You do not need to be sure it is addiction before you speak up.
MedlinePlus lists signs a family may notice:
- Using more, or for longer, than they meant to
- Cravings, or needing more to feel the same effect
- Withdrawal symptoms when they cut down or stop
- Missing work, school or family plans
- Carrying on despite harm to health or relationships
- Secrecy, excuses, or anger when you ask about it
- Losing interest in things they used to enjoy
- Drinking or using alone
For alcohol, NIAAA describes alcohol use disorder as a medical condition that ranges from mild to severe. It lists 11 signs: two or three in the past year point to a mild disorder, four or five to a moderate one, and six or more to a severe one.
Stopping heavy, long-term drinking all at once can be dangerous, and NIAAA advises getting medical help first. Our guide to alcohol withdrawal and its warning signs explains why, and what alcohol rehab involves once withdrawal is over covers the next stage. Sedatives such as Xanax carry their own risks; see the risks of stopping a benzodiazepine all at once.
If your loved one talks about suicide, call or text 988. If they are in danger right now, call 911. After any attempt, call 911 and do not leave them alone.
The first conversation
How do you talk to someone about rehab?
Choose a quiet, private moment, say plainly what you have seen, then listen more than you speak. SAMHSA’s guide for families sets it out in five steps.
Pick the moment
Somewhere private with few distractions, such as at home or on a walk, and when things are calm. Wait until they are sober; MedlinePlus advises against trying to reason with someone who is on drugs.
Be direct
Say what you have noticed and that you are worried. Then ask how they are feeling.
Listen
Hear them out without judging. Repeat back what you heard, so they know it landed.
Offer help
Tell them these conditions are treatable, and offer to help them find care and make the first call.
Be patient
Keep reaching out, gently and over time.
Questions that open a conversation
SAMHSA suggests open questions, the kind that cannot be answered with a yes or a no:
- What do you like about drinking or using, and what do you not like?
- What worries you about it, if anything?
- What would you lose if things stayed the same?
- How would you like things to be different?
- How can I help?
Point out their strengths instead of listing faults, and thank them for talking. If they do not want to talk, say you will be there when they are ready. End by summing up what you heard and asking whether you can check in again.
Why it often takes more than one talk
Mixed feelings about change are normal. SAMHSA’s guide for clinicians on motivation, known as TIP 35, treats pushback as a sign of those mixed feelings rather than a fixed trait, and notes that pressure and confrontation tend to increase it.
Asking for help takes courage. A second or third conversation is part of the process, not proof that the first one failed. The research behind TIP 35 also does not support the idea of an “addictive personality” or a special kind of denial; what you are seeing may well be ambivalence, and ambivalence can shift.
What not to do
What should you avoid saying or doing?
Avoid labels, blame and arguments. Confrontation tends to make people more defensive, and MedlinePlus notes that people are usually less defensive when they are met with empathy and respect.
Do not try to reason with someone who is drunk or high; MedlinePlus advises against it. Wait for a sober, calm moment. Do not put yourself at risk, either. Some drugs can make a person violent, and your safety comes first.
Words matter as well. NIDA reports that stigma makes people less willing to seek treatment, and it recommends person-first language, which describes a condition instead of labeling a person.
| Instead of | Try saying | Where it comes up |
|---|---|---|
| Addict, user, junkie | A person with a substance use disorder | Describing your loved one |
| Alcoholic | A person with alcohol use disorder | Describing someone’s drinking |
| Clean or dirty | Testing negative or testing positive | Talking about a drug test |
| Former addict | A person in recovery | Talking about the past |
| Habit | Substance use disorder | Naming the problem |
| Abuse | Use, or misuse | Describing how a substance is used |
Drawn from NIDA’s Words Matter guidance on preferred language for talking about addiction.
Interventions
Should you stage an intervention for addiction?
Federal guidance favors inviting over confronting. SAMHSA’s TIP 35 counts adversarial confrontation among the least effective ways to help someone change, and NIAAA reports that a family approach called CRAFT has been shown to work better than confronting the person in an intervention.
| Approach | What it involves | What the sources say |
|---|---|---|
| A confrontational intervention | Family and friends confront the person together about their use and press for treatment. | TIP 35 counts adversarial confrontation among the least effective approaches and says it can lower motivation to change. It adds that the Johnson Institute now emphasizes a supportive, compassionate style for family interventions. |
| CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) | A way for family and friends to encourage positive behavior, without confrontation, while caring for their own well-being. | NIAAA reports it has been shown more effective than confronting the person, and calls it an evidence-based, nonconfrontational way to encourage someone to enter treatment. SAMHSA adds that it aims to improve the family’s own well-being too. |
| A calm conversation with open questions | One person, one private moment, listening more than talking, as in the steps above. | SAMHSA’s family guides recommend listening without judgment and asking open questions. |
Summarized from SAMHSA TIP 35, NIAAA’s Alcohol Treatment Navigator and SAMHSA’s 2026 introductory guide for families.
Family still matters a great deal in the inviting approach. TIP 35 notes that involving family members can raise a person’s own concern about their use. The difference is the tone: concern shared calmly, not a verdict delivered by a group.
NIAAA’s Alcohol Treatment Navigator can help you find a licensed therapist who offers family therapy.
Getting someone into treatment
How do you get someone into rehab?
Make a confidential call first, learn the options, then raise it with your loved one with the next step ready. You do not need their agreement to ask questions.
Admissions can explain what supervised detox in a residence and residential treatment after detox involve, so the conversation at home is about a real plan rather than a vague promise. If they say yes, the number and the plan are already in hand.
A clinical assessment then decides the level of care: detox first, residential treatment, or another setting if a hospital or a different kind of program is safer. If you are weighing settings, see how residential and outpatient care compare.
MedlinePlus notes that treatment should also address any mental health condition that occurs alongside substance use. Our page on treating mental health and addiction together explains how that fits. The four admission steps, from first call to arrival, are set out on our admissions page.
Calling for someone else
What happens when you call admissions for someone else?
The call is confidential, answered 24 hours a day, and commits you to nothing. You talk, admissions listens, and you can hang up at any point.
What admissions will ask. What is being used and for how long, your loved one’s physical and mental health, and any past withdrawal. Rough answers are fine. You do not need every detail to start.
What you can ask. What detox and residential treatment involve, and what the next step would be if your loved one agreed.
If Lumora is not the right fit, admissions will tell you. SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-4357, is free, confidential and open every day of the year, in English and Spanish. It takes calls from family members, does not ask for personal information, though it may ask for a ZIP code,, and gives referrals and information rather than counseling.
Lumora is a small, private house on a quiet street in Tarzana, in the San Fernando Valley; you can look inside the house in photos before you call.
If the answer is no
What if your loved one says no, or doesn’t want help?
A no today is common, and it is not the end. SAMHSA is plain that you cannot force anyone to seek care, but you can stay close, keep listening and keep the door open.
Come back to it at calm moments. Each time, say you will be there when they are ready.
Encourage the steps you want to see. That is the heart of CRAFT, which NIAAA describes as teaching family and friends to encourage positive behavior instead of confronting.
Keep caring out loud. NIDA notes that family and friends can play a critical part in motivating someone to enter treatment and to stay. Your steady, calm concern counts, even when the answer today is no.
Keep them as safe as you can meanwhile. If opioids could be involved, keep naloxone in the house and tell others where it is, as NIDA advises for families. Our page on fentanyl withdrawal and the overdose risk after it explains why that matters now.
Get support for yourself, whatever they decide. If they are in danger, call 911. In a crisis, call or text 988.
Your own well-being
How do you look after yourself while you help?
Your well-being matters as much as theirs. SAMHSA says caring for someone with a substance use problem can be tiring, stressful and isolating, and that the whole family is affected.
If helping is taking over your life, you can say so. SAMHSA suggests deciding ahead of time what you are and are not willing to do, and keeping to it. Clear limits protect your energy and make your role easier to understand. Set realistic expectations, and be as kind to yourself as you are to them.
Limits you can keep: a short worksheet
Drawn from the questions in SAMHSA’s guides for families. Write a line for each, then share the first three at a calm moment.
- What I can do. For example: “I can look after the mail and the apartment while you are in treatment.”
- What I will not do. For example: something you are not able or willing to take on, said plainly and without blame.
- When I am free to talk. Fixed times you can keep, such as after dinner.
- Who else they can lean on. Other people your loved one can count on, so it is not all on you.
- What support I will find elsewhere. A group, a counselor, a friend.
- What I need to stay well. Sleep, work, time each day that is only yours.
Support groups for families
NIAAA points families to groups of their own, in person or online:
- Al-Anon, 1-888-425-2666, and Alateen for teenagers and younger relatives
- SMART Recovery Family & Friends, 440-951-5357
- Adult Children of Alcoholics, 310-534-1815
If you notice signs of depression or anxiety in yourself, NIAAA advises professional help for you too.
If home is not safe. Put your own safety, and any children’s, first. SAMHSA’s advisory on family therapy notes that violence or threats rule out or delay joint family sessions. If anyone is in danger, call 911.
Privacy
What can a treatment program tell the family?
Usually very little, until your loved one agrees in writing. Addiction treatment records carry extra privacy protection, and an adult generally has to sign a release of information before a program can share details with family.
| Stage | What federal guidance describes | What you can still do |
|---|---|---|
| Before your loved one signs anything | Families generally need a signed release to get information from providers about an adult. | Call, share what you know, and ask general questions about treatment and next steps. |
| After they sign a release | The program can share what the release allows, with the people it names. | Ask what the release covers, so you know what to expect. |
| What your loved one can limit | Which information is shared, with whom, and for how long. | Respect the limits they choose; the choice is theirs. |
| How long a release lasts | SAMHSA notes releases usually expire within a calendar year. | If staying informed matters to you, ask whether it needs renewing. |
| Decisions about care | Except where legal arrangements exist, families cannot make decisions for an adult. | Stay involved on their terms, and ask them who they would like included. |
General guidance from SAMHSA and NIAAA, not legal advice.
One federal law, known as Part 2 (42 CFR Part 2), protects the confidentiality of substance use treatment records from federally assisted programs and sets when they may be used or shared. HIPAA, the general health privacy law, protects health information more broadly. Ask any program how these rules apply to its own records. For this site, see how this website handles your information.
Whatever the answer, your own call to admissions is confidential.
If cost is a worry
How families can find help paying for treatment
We work with many PPO plans, and if your loved one has insurance, we’ll help you understand their coverage, with no obligation.
If it helps, see what to have ready before you call, how paying for addiction treatment works, and what shapes the cost of a stay.
If money is tight, SAMHSA’s National Helpline can refer your loved one to state-funded programs, or to facilities with sliding fees or that take Medicare or Medicaid. Their health plan can also list participating providers.
After treatment
What happens after treatment, and what if they use again?
Addiction is treatable and managed over time, like other chronic illnesses, and a return to use is common. NIDA puts relapse rates for substance use disorders at about 40 to 60 percent, similar to the 50 to 70 percent seen with high blood pressure and asthma.
A relapse does not mean treatment failed. NIDA says it signals that treatment should be resumed, changed or switched. Detox on its own is not treatment either; it is the medical start.
One danger to know. After a stretch without using, tolerance falls. Going back to the old amount can cause an overdose, which is why, if opioids were involved, naloxone belongs in the house after treatment too. Our guide to heroin withdrawal and the overdose risk after detox explains that danger.
NIAAA notes that setbacks are common and that recovery is still possible. A plan for the months after discharge helps; planning the months after a stay covers step-down options and support close to home.
Before you choose
What should you ask any program before choosing it?
NIAAA suggests questions like these for anyone choosing treatment. Write the answers down so you can compare.
- Which treatments do you offer, and are they backed by research?NIAAA advises looking for evidence-based approaches.
- Are medicines part of treatment, and where do they fit?MedlinePlus notes that medicines help with some substances.
- How do you treat mental health conditions alongside substance use?MedlinePlus advises treating co-occurring conditions as well.
- How is the plan fitted to the person?NIAAA lists tailoring among its questions.
- What is expected of the person in treatment?NIAAA suggests asking this before the stay begins.
- How is a return to drinking or drug use handled?Setbacks are common, NIAAA notes; ask what happens next.
- What level of care fits, and who decides?NIAAA describes several levels, from outpatient to residential.
- How can family be involved, and what does my loved one need to agree to?Federal guidance leaves that choice, and the release, with the person in treatment.
In an emergency
What should you do in an emergency? Call 911 first.
If someone may have overdosed, is not breathing or cannot be woken, call 911 now. Then, if opioids could be involved and you have naloxone, give it; MedlinePlus says it is safe to give even if other drugs are involved.
Signs of an opioid overdose, from MedlinePlus: very small pupils; extreme sleepiness, or no response to a loud voice or a firm rub on the chest; slow, shallow or stopped breathing; choking or gurgling sounds; a limp body; pale, blue or cold skin, or purple lips and nails.
With naloxone nasal spray: call 911, then give one dose right away and lay the person on their side. If there is no response after 2 to 3 minutes, give another dose with a new device in the other nostril. Stronger opioids may need more than one dose. They may wake up in withdrawal, which NIDA says is unpleasant but usually not life-threatening. MedlinePlus advises trying to keep the person awake and breathing. Stay until help arrives. Naloxone wears off in about 30 to 90 minutes, so NIDA advises watching the person for at least 2 hours after the last dose. Keep any pill bottles to show the responders.
Be ready before you need it. Keep naloxone at home, ask your loved one to carry it, and tell family and friends where it is. Store medicines securely, ideally in a lockbox.
For questions about a drug or a possible poisoning, Poison Help answers free and confidentially at 1-800-222-1222, 24 hours a day. For a mental health or substance use crisis, or thoughts of suicide, call or text 988, for yourself or for someone you are worried about.
FAQ
Questions families ask
How do I get someone into rehab?
Make a confidential call first, before they have agreed to anything. Admissions can explain the options and help you plan how to raise it. When the moment comes, have the next step ready. A clinical assessment then decides what comes first: detox, residential treatment or a safer setting elsewhere.
What if my loved one says no?
It is not the end of the conversation. Keep talking at calm moments, keep encouraging small steps, and get support for yourself. If they are in danger, call 911. In a mental health or substance use crisis, call or text 988.
Will a treatment program tell me how my loved one is doing?
Generally, only what your loved one agrees to. Federal guidance says families of an adult generally need a signed release of information. Your loved one can limit what is shared, with whom and for how long, and releases usually expire within a year.
Is a surprise intervention a good idea?
Federal guidance points the other way. Confrontation tends to make people more defensive and can lower their motivation to change, and NIAAA reports that CRAFT, a calmer family approach, works better.
What is CRAFT, and how is it different from an intervention?
CRAFT stands for Community Reinforcement and Family Training. NIAAA describes it as a nonconfrontational, evidence-based way for family and friends to encourage positive behavior and entry into treatment. SAMHSA adds that it also aims to improve the family’s own well-being.
What should I do if my loved one is drunk or high when I want to talk?
Wait. MedlinePlus advises against trying to reason with someone who is intoxicated, and against putting yourself at risk. Save the conversation for a sober, quiet moment. If they cannot be woken or their breathing is slow, call 911.
How do I set limits without pushing my loved one away?
Say what you will do and what you will not, calmly and ahead of time, then keep to it. SAMHSA’s example is offering to collect the mail and check on the apartment during treatment, while being honest that you do not have the money right now to help pay for the treatment itself. Limits protect your energy; they are not a punishment.
Where can family members get support for themselves?
NIAAA lists Al-Anon (1-888-425-2666), Alateen for younger relatives, SMART Recovery Family & Friends (440-951-5357) and Adult Children of Alcoholics (310-534-1815). MedlinePlus also lists Al-Anon and Alateen. SAMHSA’s free National Helpline, 1-800-662-4357, also takes calls from family members.
Should we keep naloxone at home?
If opioids could be involved, yes. NIDA advises families of people with opioid addiction to keep naloxone nearby, ask the person to carry it and tell friends where it is. MedlinePlus notes it can be bought at a pharmacy. Replace it when it expires.
What words should I use when talking about addiction?
Person-first words. NIDA suggests “a person with a substance use disorder” instead of “addict”, “in recovery” instead of “former addict”, and “testing negative” instead of “clean”. Stigma makes people less willing to seek treatment.
Other ways we help
Care at Lumora
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Medical detox
Medically supervised withdrawal in the residence, leading straight into residential treatment.
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Residential treatment
Living at Lumora for the length of the program, rather than going home each night.
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Dual diagnosis care
Mental health conditions that occur with substance use, treated together with it.
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Eating disorder support
Coordinated planning for eating disorders alongside substance use, including referral when that is safer.
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Aftercare planning
A plan for life after Lumora, pointing to step-down care, sober living or therapy near home.
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Tour the residence
Bedrooms, lounges, the wellness room and the garden.
Admissions, 24 hours a day
Helping a loved one with addiction can start with one call.
Admissions answers 24 hours a day. Tell us what you have seen and ask anything. We will explain what could come first, at Lumora or somewhere safer, and the call commits you to nothing.
Last updated
Sources
- SAMHSA, Mental Health, Drug, or Alcohol Issues: How to Help Someone
- SAMHSA, How to Talk to Someone About Help for Mental Health and Substance Use
- SAMHSA, Mental Health, Drugs and Alcohol: Taking Care of Yourself
- SAMHSA, Supporting a Loved One: Starting the Conversation (PDF)
- SAMHSA, Helping a Loved One Dealing with Mental and/or Substance Use Disorders (family support guide, PDF)
- SAMHSA, Navigating Mental Health and Substance Use Care: An Introductory Guide for Families, PEP25-08-008 (PDF)
- SAMHSA Advisory, The Importance of Family Therapy in Substance Use Disorder Treatment (PDF)
- SAMHSA, TIP 35: Enhancing Motivation for Change in Substance Use Disorder Treatment (PDF)
- SAMHSA, National Helpline
- SAMHSA, 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
- SAMHSA, Substance Use Disorders: Statutes, Regulations, and Guidelines (42 CFR Part 2)
- NIDA, Principles of Drug Addiction Treatment (PDF)
- NIDA, Drugs, Brains, and Behavior: Treatment and Recovery
- NIDA, Words Matter: Preferred Language for Talking About Addiction
- NIDA, Naloxone DrugFacts
- NIAAA, Treatment for Alcohol Problems: Finding and Getting Help
- NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator, FAQs: Searching for Alcohol Treatment
- NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator, Caretaker Support Resources
- NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator, Helpful Links
- NIAAA, Understanding Alcohol Use Disorder
- MedlinePlus, Substance use disorder
- MedlinePlus, Naloxone Nasal Spray
- MedlinePlus, Opioid Overdose
- MedlinePlus, Drug use first aid
This page is for information and is not a substitute for medical, legal or insurance advice. Sources checked October 11, 2026.